Soul Searching

You know how your life depends on things that are not essentially vital to your 'survival'?

It's an almost fatal situation when you have to share a laptop -the only machine in the comforts of your home to have access to the net- with 2 other siblings. Nah, you can't even think of exercising your veto rights on them coz all you want to do with it is surf till you drop and to try and win another season with your mesmerizing, tailored-to-success Man Utd (read: Football Manager). They on the other hand, are tight-faced about their assignments.

My 'survival struggle' has been going on for weeks now. With no effort of doing anything that's remotely close to productive, I compensated my lost net hours with flippin' TV channels and racking up my sleeping hours to unattainable heights.

But today, today in particular, was different.

It's been close to 2 full months now that I've been silently moaning about the sudden writers block that swept my songwriting senses off my half-dead brain. So naturally I did all sorts of things to kickstart things back into the course that it should be threading on but sadly, none of it worked. This block, and a combination of so much more slumped me on a slow ride to somewhere I'm not sure if I'll like it when I get there. It did occur to me that perhaps what I need is after all, just a plain ol' soul searching; something I've yet to do in my "did all sorts of things" claim.

So today, I unearthed treasures that I thought was gone in the folds of history. The ones that stood as witness to my teenage years of being an avid follower of the local music scene. Oh boy, it was surely booming with immense quality back then. The discovery of press clippings that I collected from 2001-2002 surely brought me down to earth. I remember daydreaming about 'making it' someday. I can't say that I've made it yet with Telephony Delivery but the thought of whatever we're doing now is the sort of things we somewhat should be doing to achieve that, it's pretty surreal. I was looking back at how I started my fascination with all this.

Yeap, that's it. All of 'em scattered on my bed.

Damn. I even have the flyer for TONEdef. One of the many things that should've been the highlight of my high school years. Hmm.

Back then Poetic Ammo was still rockin' da flow and Lostprophets circa Shinobi was even cooler than Muse but they 'lost' their 'prophets' and pull off that emo anthem drag a.k.a The Last Train Home. Slipknot was donning the coolest jumpers ever but unfortunately it wasn't during their brilliant self-titled release phase. I could never find even an ounce of love for Iowa.

Urban XS mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! I miss it so much I can't even recall how's the song was like. And that Butter article was from Malay Mail, they got the coolest local music content next to TONE coz Terrina Hussin can really write. She's the one married to Emmet, yes? And that ATDI review was nicked off Galaxy. That former tween music bible had its awesome moments. Much missed.

Damn fucking Dirty Apes weiiii. After reading that brief yet inspiring review by Daryl Goh, I sprinted to the nearest cyber cafe and mailed Pedram about.....I don't remember what. That Nirvana piece was cut out from Times mag. I think I stole that from the school library. Hey, rather than it being a proof of felony, it proved that I even set foot there at least once. I so proud.

I don't remember which came first. My love for Herb Vendors' infectios jungle twists or Cyberwerk's ambient wickedness. Perhaps it was Discomafia's earth-shattering breakbeats (the only electronica record I still listen to till today). But local electronica was not spared from my ever-hungry ears for music. And apparently, not even Hong Kong's LMF too.

Fwah. Bloodymary also got. I remember writing a letter to them coz I wanted that cassette so badly. But the letter never even went into the envelope anyways. Also, if my sense of history serves me right, Jayzuan of Free Love's fame (or now, of Mohd Jayzuan's fame) was playing bass for that Ipoh band.

Haha. I plan on posting that pic of Irman on Malaise.

Back in '01 this would be considered the closest thing ever to a Holy Grail. The maniacs behind that crazy Slipknot masks were yet to be known by the general masses so this Kerrang! exclusive shot of Corey's mask-less back was something to lap up about.

So yeah. I found myself smiling like a kid again going thru all that. I miss that innocent naivety that was once my driving force to prove that I was not just some kid going through a phase. Deep down I know what I was doing then would run its course throughout my entire life. So did this whole rediscovery helped solve the block? I doubt so.

But I can now move on knowing that I've not left any stone unturned.